So if you’ve been a consistent visitor of the website you may have noticed that I went silent around Christmas time last year. January, February, March, etc. all passed without a word from me. Some of you reached out wondering if there would be any more content but your e-mails may or may not have been replied to. For those of you I didn’t get a chance to respond to, I do apologize. So please allow me to explain what has changed and what is still going on.
The Why
Just after Christmas 2018, I was hit with a bombshell when my wife told me she did not love me anymore and wanted a divorce. I had not seen this coming at all and I was completely shocked. I immediately went into panic mode trying to understand and salvage the marriage. Some of the reasons she mentioned were valid. We both were not communicating well nor were we showing affection toward each other in the manor in which we best receive affection. However, here light-switch mentality and lack of a desire to repair the relationship led many to ask, “Is she having an affair?” I didn’t believe she was, and she said she wasn’t. Months later, it came to light that she was at a minimum in an emotional affair with the neighbor. Someone who I had considered a friend, and worse, someone I had confided in during the early days of our separation.
When you’re gasping for air, only then will you truly have the discipline to change.
Change is Hard Work
It really goes back to what I had been talking about in prior posts about your desire to succeed should be like your desire to breathe. You don’t really know how to change until it’s an absolute necessity. When you’re gasping for air, only then will you truly have the discipline to change. We are organisms that move toward a state that expends the least amount of energy and thought. Putting in hard work toward a goal is harder than simply having things show up in front of us. This universal fact is consistent for everything we desire: career, a business, profit, relationships, losing weight, etc.
This “catastrophic” event in my life triggered a lot of emotion and in doing so the desperation, the desire to breathe so to speak, lead me on a new journey of introspection and understanding how relationships work, and how mine had gone astray. I also learned a lot about people and the psychology of the ego, self-esteem, and narcissism. It was all eye opening and has given me peace in knowing this divorce with my wife is a net positive in that is and will continue to be a catalyst of positive change.
Next Steps
As I sit here in a cafe writing this blog entry, I’m still very-much in the process of a divorce. “Unfair” would be a word that comes to mind, but one thing I have learned through this process is just how unfair life can be. More so, how flawed humans are, and how selfish we can be toward one another.
It’s important with all this knowledge to forgive. I forgive her. I forgive him.
The most important thing to do when dealing with the unfair circumstances of life is to simply look toward the future, be optimistic, focus on being the best you can be for yourself and your immediate loved ones, and don’t look back at the events that have hurt you.
So you may wonder what’s next for the website. I am going to continue to maintain what we have so far. It has always been a journal of sorts of my entrepreneurial journey. However, I think I will expand it with more self-actualization content as I enter this new chapter of my life. I will also continue to blog about my progress with my healthy lifestyle changes.
I’m also writing a book. Right now, the concept will be an e-book and will be available for download. I had a missing piece. A catastrophic life-changing event. I think I have that now and it very-much is going to be a part of my book.
References
Here are some books that were extremely helpful to me during this divorce transition. I hope they can help those of you who are also going through a similar situation, but more importantly, those of you who wish to avoid my situation altogether.
The 5 Love Languages
The Secret to Love That Lasts
Gary Chapman
This book is essential reading to understanding how humans give and receive affection. I highly recommend the original here. I also bought this in the “for men” edition here.
12 Rules for Life
An Antidote to Chaos
Jordan Peterson
Essential reading for understanding human behavior and finding some answers to the undying question of “what it all means.”
Desperate Marriages
Moving toward hope and healing in your relationship
Gary Chapman
Gary gives several scenarios of the typical reasons why marriages fall apart. He explains the psychology and behaviors that bring a couple to such a point and offers suggestions on how that relationship can be salvaged or in some cases dissolved.
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